Welp, Glad That’s Over

So I finally graduated undergrad  and that was just what the doctor ordered. Really, once I finished my last exam, I felt relieved but when I crossed that stage, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted.

I know I haven’t been updating the blog as much as I’d like and School has been a large reason for that. Of course, I post when I can, but lately it’s been feeling like the content is a bit stagnant. But I like blogging and want to continue. So bear with me as I reconfigure. But I digress…

Whoever said college would be the best years of your life, while not an outright lie, is incredibly misgiving.

I had some of my greatest moments in college, yes, but they were not a constant thing. They were more like the sprinkles on a shit sundae. Still tastes like shit but the presentation makes it look like it could have been something.

Looking back, I was actually wildly depressed for most of my college career. I’m not a drinker at all but sophomore and junior year, I drank my damn life away and my weed habit went through the roof. I still smoke on a regular basis because I do have anxiety and it does help to calm my mind down a bit but I can really go the rest of my life without taking another sip of alcohol and be just fine.

Going out was a thing that I had to accept that people did for fun. Why? I still don’t know. I have never woken up the next morning after a night of bar hopping and felt that my quality of life had improved in any significant way. But you look like an antisocial hermit if you don’t and plus, considering the line of work I want to go into, its helpful to at least look the part and play the game.

Moral of the story: College is a means to an end, not the other way around. I did not put myself through four years of depression, fatigue, and anxiety for a fucking piece of paper. I did it so that I could put myself in a position to do more and I feel like I’ve done that. These four years have given me room to think, explore, and ponder. Yes, a lot of resources, you will actually have to look for but they are there… if you have an idea of what you’re looking for.

To those coming up, college is not for the faint of heart. A lot of folks go to college (including myself) because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do but if you don’t find your own path along the way. Without cultivating some kind of sense of self, the bullshit that comes with college life will swallow you whole.

 

 

 

 

Not this semester, Satan.

It’s that time of year again, but not for me. Not this semester, Satan.

This first week of having to be on campus only two days out of the week was quite glorious. The financial aid office is still bullshitting with me about my money, but I can’t let these people steal my joy.

I forsee much less stress in my life in the coming months. Less time spent on worrying about school means more time focusing on my workout goals, blog goals, and executing on some very important life goals. Grad school apps are in and now I just have to play the waiting game.

When I look back on being a full time student, I wonder just how I made it through that mine field. I don’t know how to feel about the fact that I’m about to have a degree. I’m kind of indifferent honestly. From my observations, a degree doesn’t seem to mean as much as it used to. Realizing this early freshman year, I really struggled with finding the incentive to continue with it. But what else was I going to do? College was a nice lil ticket out of my mother’s house, a chance to practice being an adult while still having somewhat of a safety net, and an opportunity to meet some dope people who I would’ve never met otherwise because meeting new people is not something I used to do willingly.

Thinking back on my 2017, it wasn’t that terrible. I grew quite a bit. For the most part, I’ve managed to work my way out of my mom’s pockets. I’m independent out here. I grew a backbone. My job has required me to do so. I’ve been at my full time for a year now, and I’ve definitely learned a lot about dealing with people. I work in a restaurant kitchen, which can be quite demanding, but I also don’t hate it.

May 12. Graduation Day. It’ll be here in the blink of an eye. But until then, it’s smooth sailing for this one.